Since your earliest memories of the family-traditional Thanksgiving day football game with your uncles, you've heard a fantastic array of excuses for missing the mark: It was the sun. It was the wind. It was the scotch. This is totally inappropriate footwear.

Olympic athletes are 1000 times more skilled at sports than anyone we've ever scrimmaged with personally, and they're also 1000 times more skilled at pinning down the most excellent excuses: It was the sun. It was the wind. It was the referee's biased judgment of my aggressive performance based on his perception of the color of my uniform.